Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
