What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
