i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
