If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
