foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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