You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
