at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
