haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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