i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
