you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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