She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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