in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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