Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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