I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
