just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
