i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
