So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
