my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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