How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It was confusing and full of hummus
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
