Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
