How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
