He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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