WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
