I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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