if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Randomize
