I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
