It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I need moral support for this bender
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He better not be in your backpack
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
