stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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