I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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