i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Reggie can tackle my bush.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
