Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
