my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
