You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
