If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
