I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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