i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
