i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
