I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
