Don't you send me to vm
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i already hear my dad disowning me
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
