Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
