I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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