matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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