I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
