dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
