if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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