at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
