Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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