Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
