My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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