On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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