Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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