I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
