woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
