i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
