It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
