he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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