I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
