Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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