I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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