my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
fuck your aforementioned shoe
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
