Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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