To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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