Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
