Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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