dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
