What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
