I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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