Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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