the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
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I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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