I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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