Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i permit you to call me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Congratulations! We have a period
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
